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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

13dpo, or, as it's known this cycle, CD1

AF came early. Taking it well because I've known for days - which is the best argument I have for temping during the 2ww - my temps started dropping a few days ago, and it was clear to me what that meant. And I also find getting AF to be so much less disappointing than a beta results call (the one that takes my RE over 6 hours to make).

So on to IUI#2 (hopefully)!

I'm a little worried about how I'll take it if I get a BFN next cycle, though. My reaction to my BFN my first IUI cycle was kind of a meltdown. Because it was the first time we'd tried IUI, and so I was convinced that it was definitely going to work. Everything was timed perfectly, I had 2 mature follicles on each ovary, and then... BFN. DH was out with friends when I got the beta call. I had been pretending that it was no big deal, but when I got the results I immediately called DH. He was at a bar and it was loud and I asked him if he could please come home, and he said "what? I can't hear you," and so I said "can you come home now, please?" and he said "what?" and I... hung up on him.

Right? You're with me on this one, right?

Anyway, he called me back and of course I didn't answer and I guess he quickly put two and two together because he was home within 15 minutes. I had been holding it together until he asked "what?" for the second time and then I lost it. He came home and I didn't speak to him for 2 hours, I just sulked in bed, not even crying but just not talking as he sat next to me and tried to hold my hand, but I wouldn't let him. Yeah, sometimes I don't act my age. (You know how in my last post I said that DH has never been mad at me? Well, it's not like I haven't ever given him a reason...)

I finally spoke after 2 hours. I think the first thing I said was "it's not fair." Because, well, it's not.

So, this will be my first injectable cycle, and my test date will be right before Christmas and during a visit from my parents. And my parents don't know we're TTC or that we're having, um, challenges. But, I'm going to try to be tough, and I'm going to try to keep to my new philosophy: I'm going to stay hopeful, but I'm going to focus my hope on the long term, and not on one particular cycle.

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