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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Going on with IUI

We're going to continue with IUI, but it sounds like my RE wants to do at most only 2 more IUI cycles, then move on to IVF, I guess. Oh, and I still haven't gotten AF, so he said it would be best to do another blood test, just in case. Way to get my hopes up, again. And of course it's 6:30 now and they still haven't called me with the results. But I know it's going to be negative, unless being pregnant feels like you're about to get your period any second.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just What I Thought

BFN. Mentally, logically, I wasn't surprised, and I took it rather well when I got the call. I think emotionally, though, I was surprised, although it took a while to register. I was still clinging to hope, and so about an hour after the call I felt, well, a little devastated. This was our first IUI and somehow, although I knew that IUI really doesn't increase your chances much, I thought that IUI would be some sort of magic bullet that couldn't possibly fail, right? We had tried so hard. BD the day before and the day after the IUI - and I had 2 mature follicles. What could possibly go wrong?

Also, I think what made it even more difficult was that we won't be able to get right back on the horse, so to speak, because we'll be out of town for part of this month and won't be able to have an assisted cycle. We may try naturally if our schedules permit, but that is also not so likely, so probably we're taking a month off.

Anyway, after to coming to terms with the fact that we'd failed once again, but that it didn't mean that we wouldn't keep trying, and it didn't mean we would fail forever, I picked myself up and brushed myself off and today I feel pretty okay.

My RE asked for me to come in tomorrow to "talk about where to go from here." Not quite sure what he means by that, but okay. I assumed we'd just do at least 2 or 3 more IUIs before discussing "other options," so we'll see what he has in mind. For this cycle he had considered putting me on gonal, which I really don't know anything about. It's an injectable, right? How is it better or different than femara or clomid? It certainly costs more, which is why I balked at starting it for this past cycle. I think it was going to be something like $1600, after insurance.

So, I'll update after my appointment tomorrow but most likely I won't have much for the remainder of this month, although I will be temping regularly (unlike for my last 3 cycles), just to see what my body's reaction is to the clomid and femara and triggers and progesterone, etc.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Still waiting...

Went in at 11am for my beta. It's ten after 6 now and I'm still waiting for my phone call. I know it will probably be negative bcause of the HPT BFN yesterday morning... but I did a search on FF for charts with "negative HPT before positive HPT" and "late HPT+ (>15dpo)" and came up with lots of matching charts, lots of women who had gotten negatives at 13 and even 14dpo, then a positive a few days later.

If there is one thing a woman who is TTC can do well, it's hold on to hope.

How long do most women have to wait to find out the results of their beta?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Why I'm Blogging

My hope is that I will not have this blog very long. That doesn't jinx it does it?

My husband and I have bee TTC for 10 months. I'm 34 and he's 49. We've been together for 7 years and now I regret having waited so long... like a lot of people I guess I felt like we had all the time in the world. I had heard that women's fertility starts to decline after 35, so up until 33 I felt no pressure and then when my 34th birthday was approaching I suddenly could see that ticking clock and I sat my husband down and told him we needed to get going on this thing. Maybe that's part of my problem. As soon as I decided it was time, IT WAS TIME. Now, ten months later... well, that's why I've started this blog. Because it's already taken longer than I'd hoped and I'm tired of keeping it all inside. Besides my husband no one else knows we're trying. And I have a hard time even talking to my husband about how hard this has been for me so far.

We still don't know if there is anything actually wrong with us. My husband has been tested and he got an A+. All the tests for me have come back fine. My husband just thinks our timing is off, but I've been using OPK since month 1 (from the beginning I was serious about success) and have been charting since month 3, so I don't know how much better we could do on the timing. But I have read that there is only a 12 to 24 hour window after you ovulate, so in that case maybe our timing has been off.

Anyway, I'm on CD 27. Took an HPT this morning: BFN. Go for beta tomorrow but I'm not hopeful after the BFN (I'm 13 DPO today, so I know technically the HPT still could be negative because it's still early, but we all know most women would get BFP at 13 DPO if they were pregnant).

So, that's it for now. Will post results of beta tomorrow.