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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just What I Thought

BFN. Mentally, logically, I wasn't surprised, and I took it rather well when I got the call. I think emotionally, though, I was surprised, although it took a while to register. I was still clinging to hope, and so about an hour after the call I felt, well, a little devastated. This was our first IUI and somehow, although I knew that IUI really doesn't increase your chances much, I thought that IUI would be some sort of magic bullet that couldn't possibly fail, right? We had tried so hard. BD the day before and the day after the IUI - and I had 2 mature follicles. What could possibly go wrong?

Also, I think what made it even more difficult was that we won't be able to get right back on the horse, so to speak, because we'll be out of town for part of this month and won't be able to have an assisted cycle. We may try naturally if our schedules permit, but that is also not so likely, so probably we're taking a month off.

Anyway, after to coming to terms with the fact that we'd failed once again, but that it didn't mean that we wouldn't keep trying, and it didn't mean we would fail forever, I picked myself up and brushed myself off and today I feel pretty okay.

My RE asked for me to come in tomorrow to "talk about where to go from here." Not quite sure what he means by that, but okay. I assumed we'd just do at least 2 or 3 more IUIs before discussing "other options," so we'll see what he has in mind. For this cycle he had considered putting me on gonal, which I really don't know anything about. It's an injectable, right? How is it better or different than femara or clomid? It certainly costs more, which is why I balked at starting it for this past cycle. I think it was going to be something like $1600, after insurance.

So, I'll update after my appointment tomorrow but most likely I won't have much for the remainder of this month, although I will be temping regularly (unlike for my last 3 cycles), just to see what my body's reaction is to the clomid and femara and triggers and progesterone, etc.

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