Husbands. Can't Get Pregnant With Them. Can't Get Pregnant Without Them.

An Open Letter to All Husbands Undergoing IF Treatments with Their Wives

Dear Husbands-

First of all, we love you. We know you don't want to be going through this any more than we do. We appreciate your support, your calm, your patience and kindness, and your ability to have hope even when we have none.

Having said that, we need you to take this as seriously as we do. Your sympathy for us when we are subjecting ourselves to daily injections and almost daily wandings and blood draws is appreciated, but what we really need you to do is take an active role in this journey. And what we mean by that is we need you to take your contribution seriously. Because although maybe sometimes it seems like we're doing this all without you, like maybe we can do it all without you, we can't. We need you. And your "contribution."

So when that time of the cycle comes around (you know the time we're talking about), you need to do what it takes to get the job done. We know that the pressure affects you. That's why we try to be so nonchalant about it when it comes your time to contribute. But we're not nonchalant on the inside. Oh, no. Inside, we're freaking out. Because you're watching sports on TV. Or you're going out for a drink with your buddies. Or you're just generally distracted and not on task like you need to be.

And when there's an IUI involved, precise timing is kind of important. When the doctor tells us to be there at a certain time, we would appreciate it if you took that seriously. But we will not bug you about it. Because we're afraid to stress you out, because we know that could affect your performance. And when you sit around wasting time instead of doing the things that need to be done before we leave for the IUI (like walking the dog, and moving the car for street cleaning), we will offer to do those things for you. We will quietly seethe inside and wish we had husbands that gave a damn about procreating, but we will smile and say, "I think we'd better get going pretty soon, don't you, honey?" And when we get to the appointment 30 minutes late and you say, "I'm sure it will be fine," we'll nod and agree, while inside we are screaming.

And when the IUI is over, and both of us have successfully performed our respective duties, you in a couple of minutes in that backroom we've never seen, and us over the last 2 weeks, injecting ourselves, getting ourselves to early morning appointments, tracking everything with precision, dealing with the insurance company and the mail order pharmacy, and researching all our treatment options on the internet, don't be surprised when we refuse to walk the dog, or to move the car. And don't be surprised when we say that these things are now your job and the least you can do. Because this is a partnership, and even if you don't act like it is sometimes, we will gently cajole you into your role as dutiful and attentive husband. Because we love you. And we're in this together.

Sincerely,

IF Wives Everywhere (but especially this wife, right here, at TTC Hopeful)