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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Breaking Up With IUI Is Hard to Do

What cycle day am I on again? I'm so not up on my cycle this time.

(Is this going with the flow or is this giving up?)

Here's a brief rundown of my cycle so far:

Monday (after 5 days at 75iu gonal-f): Lining 5.5mm; 3 follies on left: 17.7mm (RE says this is likely a leftover from last cycle), 13.6mm, 10.0mm; 1 on right: 12.6mm. Estrogen 126.

Wednesday (after 7 days at 75iu gonal-f): Lining 6.0mm; 3 follies on left: 17.8mm (leftover), 12.6mm, 10.6mm; 2 on right: 11.6mm, 11mm; Estrogen 167.

RE said my estrogen was not increasing enough, put me on estrogen patch, increased gonal to 150iu, back on Friday.

So, that's where I am. I'm trying really really hard to stop second guessing my RE. It's a bad habit that I've gotten myself into. I'm back on the estrogen patches now. As you may recall, I'm the one who talked the RE into putting me on them last cycle, then talked my RE into taking me off them for the start of this cycle. I think I'm just going to try to let them make the decisions from now on. You know, since they're the ones with the medical degrees. Kind of makes sense I think.

Honestly, I'm not thinking much about this cycle. I'm thinking about IVF, because most likely that's where we're headed. Here are the reasons I'm not looking forward to IVF:
  • Cost (duh). We have the money, so I know this is not as big of an issue for us as it is for many many other couples. I am thankful for that, and I know the decision to move forward with IVF would be much more difficult if we had to go into debt for it. So, although I'm not looking forward to spending all this money, especially when fertile couples can get knocked up for less money than it takes them to not get knocked up, we are not losing sleep over the cost.
  • I think I have to tell my parents. The way I figure it, I'm going to want them to know that we tried IVF whether we're successful or not, and so I'd rather have them aware while it's going on, and maybe have their emotional support. I have to admit that giving them (or not giving them) grandchildren is a big weight on me. I have one sibling, an older brother, and although he is married, they've told me that they aren't interested in children. My brother is 2 years older than me, but his wife is 10 years younger than he is (she's 26), so I figure there's a possibility she'll change her mind. We all know about how that biological clock that we couldn't even hear in our 20s gets deafeningly loud once we hit our 30s. But I also think there's a good chance that they'll stick with their decision to live child-free. In which case it's all on me. So, if we're unsuccessful, I want to make sure that my parents know that we are not child-free by choice, that we did try to give them grandchildren. And if we are successful, I don't want the fact that we conceived through IVF to be some sort of deep dark secret, so we might as well let them in on it right away. Having said that, my parents are very private people, as am I, and this is a conversation that I imagine will be awkward for everyone.
  • I'm going to be switching REs after this IUI cycle. The RE I'm seeing now has pretty abysmal IVF success rates. Like, really really bad. I've stuck with them for the IUIs mostly because they are in-network with my insurance and so my bloodwork, ultrasounds, and consults have all been covered, and I don't have out of network coverage. But I live in NYC, and there are some excellent fertility clinics here with some of the best success rates in the country/world. And the 2 best, the 2 that we're most seriously considering, do not accept insurance. But once we're on to IVF, where we're having to pay out of pocket for everything anyway, we're definitely going to be switching. But I'm really nervous about a) learning the ropes at a new RE and b) getting my medical records from my current RE without drama.
  • Finally, with IVF's higher chance of success comes a higher chance of complete emotional devastation if it fails.
Of course there are many reasons to look forward to IVF, too:
  • Higher success rates
  • Higher success rates
  • Higher success rates


  1. I still have hope for you this cycle!! But, I think it's good you're looking ahead to potential IVF. It's great you have options for a new RE and sounds like a good time to change things up.
    Hoping for good news on Friday!

  2. Wow....sounds like you have some great options for RE's in your area. That is definitely a plus!

  3. I know how hard it is to talk about certain things with parents. I think it's smart that you want to let them know. I know you want to be able to give them a grandchild but try not to let that pressure affect you too much. Everything happens for a reason. :)

  4. I'm keeping the hope alive too, c'mon follies!! But I know it's impossible not to prepare for the future when it comes to IF. I've been thinking a ton about IVF too, like part of me can't even imagine going down that road...but I also want to be realistic as I'm basically two cycles away. I think your plan to find a new RE sounds like a smart move, I'm just so hoping you never have to make that decision!!

  5. C'mon follies, you can do this!

    I think it's a fine line with how active we become in our treatment. Personally, I am still smarting from my one ovulatory cycle, when I asked for estrogen and they said no and so I dropped it. What if I'd started estrogen on CD11, would my lining have fluffed up enough to support an eggie? It drives me nuts thinking abt that. And now, go figure, I'll be on estrogen next cycle. Not to make this about me, just sayin' that I feel you how HARD it is to let them make decisions vs. take charge of your own treatment. I figure they see a LOT of women, if I don't make some noise, I'm bound to become white noise. My current strategy? I'm going to be LOUD when I start cycling again. :)

    I am a planner too, always look ahead. So I give you the green light to do that. Just know that this cycle isn't over til it's over. We'll all be rooting for it to work, even if you're finding it impossible to feel hopeful. ((hugs))

  6. Maybe you'll be one of those people who try so hard for so long, then as soon you as you give up, you unexpectedly find yourself magically pregnant! (I'm talking about your current IUI here which is TOTALLY gonna fail, nudge, nudge, wink)

    New clinic sounds like a good idea. I've heard that the embryologist and lab equipment, especially, really impact your chances with IVF.

  7. AMEN to the higher success rates! I agree that breaking up with IUI is hard to do- relatively speaking it is so low-maintenance. But we are done with IUI- IVF consult is Monday morning! I sure am praying that our baby(s) will be born this year...

  8. I have hope for you that this cycle will work out. IVF is scary to think about (we'll be there this summer if this IUI and the next don't work), but you're right--higher success rates needs to be the focus. ((hugs))