I've already gone from being worried about getting too pregnant to now worrying about not getting pregnant enough.
I was so obsessed with those 9 rapidly progressing follicles that it took we a while to realize that I'm being triggered kind of early this cycle. Now, I love to second guess my RE as much as the next infertile lady, so of course I'm thinking about how last IUI cycle the RE told me to trigger 60 hours after I had my u/s that showed a 21mm and an 18mm follicle (granted, I also got a positive OPK the day after that u/s, about 24 hours before I was supposed to do the trigger, so maybe they waited too long...). This time, I was told to trigger 24 hours after my u/s showed only 2 follicles over 16mm. Of course the big difference is that last time I was doing a femara cycle, and this time it's injectables, and I have continued the injectables all the way through last night, so it seems likely that that could speed things up at the end. But, I'm still worried that I triggered too soon and all those follicles are going to end up going to waste.
But you know what? What. Ever. I have to say that I'm sick of this roller coaster. I've even started having thoughts of what it would be like if we just stopped trying. We were happy together for 7 years without much thought of a family, and I feel pretty confident we could go back to that. It's going to be such a relief when we're done with IF, whether through a pregnancy or just giving up.
Also, I had an IF dream last night. I don't have that many, thank goodness, but I thought this one was interesting (although aren't dreams always more interesting to the dreamer than anyone else?).
In my dream, the fertility clinic I had been going to (not the one I go to in real life) had moved, and no one would tell me where they had moved to because at their new location they were going to only be treating women whose infertility was explained, not women with unexplained infertility (like me). The implication was that they knew they could help women with explained infertility, so that was the only women they really saw a point in treating. They told me I had to go to another fertility clinic for women with unexplained infertility, but when I went to try and find it, I couldn't. I kept getting out of the elevator at different floors in the building it was supposed to be in, but it just didn't seem to exist. It made me feel rejected and hopeless. And, yes, if you are reading into this an underlying jealousy of those women who know why they aren't getting pregnant, you're right. Part of me wishes I had a problem that could at least be treated. I know, I know, careful what you wish for...
So, I did the ovidrel and last 150 of the gonal-f last night. I'm glad to be done with the injections. I got a half positive on an OPK this morning (did an OPK yesterday too and it was very negative). IUI is tomorrow at 9am.
It's the little things
1 week ago