(Click to See My Fertility Chart)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Of Two Minds

Are we closer than we've ever been? Or farther away? Are we getting the answers that will lead us to success? Or the answers that will shut down any hope we have left? Is this a labor of love? Or an exercise in futility? Should we keep fighting the good fight? Or throw in the towel?

I am more resolved than ever, and I have more doubts than ever.

I am ready to bankrupt myself, and I shudder to think of all the money we've already spent.

I am a woman possessed, and I am a woman afraid.

"Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before." ~Jacob A. Riis

"When the horse is dead, get off." ~Author Unknown


  1. I could not agree more, this entire experience leaves me very ambivalent all the time about nearly everything...... Wishing some peace soon.

  2. Man, that really is a good description of all of this. I go back and forth between thinking "of course we'll try everything we can to be parents" and "this is getting ridiculous, what are we thinking doing this?"

    Great quotes. Really perfect, both of them. ((hugs))

  3. Gosh, how could we both be in the exact same pair of shoes?!
    such a hard situation to be. Everything is so fresh, I think it might just take some time to come up with the decision as for what would be the right thing to do for the next step.
    I am still hoping it is the stone cutter for both of us.
    Major (((HUGS)))

  4. So so so true, with so much unknown, it's a real mind f-. But you are doing EVERYTHING in your power to make this work and for what it's worth, I truly, truly believe you will get pregnant and you'll get your baby.

    I absolutely love the Riis quote you included. It sums this whole freaking thing up perfectly. xoxo

  5. This is exactly how I feel. I say keep fighting the good fight. There is hope for us yet.

  6. The unknowns in infertility are so difficult. In my humble opinion, you are closer than ever. While it's heartbreaking that your IVF cycle did not work, you learned so much about your body that armed with that knowledge they can tweak your protocol and I think you have a great shot next time.

  7. I feel permanently stuck in this of-two-minds kind of place. And I can swing from one to the other in the time it takes to bat an eyelash. It's not a pleasant place to be. I told my husband that I feel like a weathervane, constantly turning this way and that.

    But I like the Riis quote. Tonight, I'm going to concentrate on that stone cutter. And sooner or later, we're going to hammer through this rock.